Demisexual: everything you need to know about it.

People often misunderstand what it means to be demisexual. Read on to learn everything about this sexual orientation.

What does being demisexual mean? 

Sexuality refers to how a person experiences sexual and romantic attraction and their interests and preferences regarding it. It is important to observe one’s liking in order to understand yourself efficiently and to discuss it with your partner. Familiarising with the different kinds of sexual orientation can help to navigate and understand the different ways through which people experience their sexuality. A person’s sexuality can be of any type like heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, demisexual etc. It is easier to view it as a spectrum and not a particular category. 

Demisexual individuals are people who need to establish a secure emotional connection before they can feel a sexual attraction. The emotional bond does not only include a romantic relationship. It could also be a platonic friendship that makes the demisexual person develop a sexual interest. It is essential to know how being a demisexual feels like. Such individuals can only have a sexual attraction to a tiny group of people. 


Demisexuals and heterosexuals

While getting to know about demisexual people, a lot of confusion may arise between their similarities with heterosexuals. Many of us wait long enough to feel a vital connection with a person before engaging in sexual relations with them. It is something that our community tells us as we grow up –  to engage in sexual relations only with individuals that you have a bond with. Whether it is – marriages, love affairs or friends with benefits relationships, we usually try to build trust before getting close with them. What makes a demisexual person different is that their sexual attraction is not a choice that they can make. 

We abstain from having sex with someone, whereas demisexual people are unable to do it without an emotional connection. Demisexual individuals are not just individuals who choose to date somebody for quite a while before engaging in sexual relations with them. It has no connection with wanting to have intercourse but about feeling sexually interested in someone. For them, it is about the capacity to feel sexual passion towards certain individuals. Heterosexual people can have sex with people that they do not feel a sexual attraction for. Similarly, you can be sexually attracted to someone and not do anything about it.  

Demisexual people are unable to have a sexual passion for someone until they develop an emotional connection. That does not mean that all emotional associations lead to a sexual relationship. Just like heterosexuals cannot be sexually attracted to every person they meet, demisexual cannot be attracted to every person that they have a deep connection with. Even though that is the case, some demisexual individuals may decide to hold up some time before engaging in sexual relations with an emotional partner. 


Demisexual, Asexual and Graysexual

There has always been a lot of complication between the various categories of sexualities. It is quite natural to mistake between demisexual, asexual and graysexual. To understand what makes these terms different, you need to know what each of them means. Sexual attraction indicates how somebody feels aroused by another person. An asexual individual encounters practically zero sexual fascination. The term that is the exact contrary to asexual is sexual, or even referred to as allosexual. 

You can consider graysexuality as the midpoint among asexuality and homosexuality. Graysexual individuals infrequently experience sexual fascination, or they experience it with low force. A few people contend that demisexuality doesn’t fit under the asexual umbrella since it just alludes to the conditions under which you feel sexual fascination. It does not remark on how regularly or how seriously you experience sexual attraction. Someone who will, in general, feel serious sexual attraction toward almost all of their dearest companions and accomplices might think that they are demisexual.

Somebody who feels like having a sexual relationship with a couple of dear companions or accomplices, yet not regularly and not seriously, might recognise firmly with graysexuality or asexuality. Then again, individuals contend that demisexuality falls under the asexual group. This argument is on the grounds that demisexuality depicts a circumstance where you just experience sexual fascination in particular conditions.


Can a demisexual person change their sexuality over time?

A person’s sexual orientation is fluid and can change over time and with different circumstances. At the same time, you can be demisexual and graysexual or demisexual and asexual. Remember that it is reasonable to change between these sexualities. During various stages of life, you may discover your ability for sexual fascination shifts after some time. For instance, you may go from being allosexual to being graysexual to being asexual. 

According to the Asexual Census conducted in 2015,  more than 80 per cent of the subjects recognised themselves as heterosexual, homosexual or other sexualities before realising that they were asexual. This rate is a perfect example of how fluctuating sexuality can be.


Identifying the sexuality

Since sexuality is a fluid experience, being a demisexual person can be different for each person. Read on to know some of the signs that you can use to identify a demisexual person. 

  • Rarely do demisexual individuals feel sexual excitement towards people like colleagues, strangers and other individuals that they find in daily life.
  • They might be sexually aroused by someone that they have a deep connection with such as a close friend or a romantic partner. 
  • Their enthusiastic association with somebody has a significant influence on whether they are sexually aroused by the. 
  • They are not excited by the notion of immersing in sexual associations with somebody that they do not know well. Even if they are aesthetically pleasing, demisexual people might not find them attractive. 
  • Before starting a romantic relationship with someone, they prefer to build a strong friendship first. 
  • While thinking about sexual activities, they are not eager right away.
  • They are not comfortable or do not like the idea of one-night stands (1).
  • The love language of a demisexual person is generally physical touch. They appreciate cuddles, hugs and kisses. 
  • Relationships are not usually casual for demisexual people. 
  • Since they do not feel attraction to a gorgeous person that they meet in the street, it is evident that looks are not what matters to them. They care more about an individual’s character and appearance.
  • Their opinions about relationships can be naturally different from that of their friend’s group.
  • Most demisexual people do not enjoy flirting. Since it is not simple for them to create a sexual connection as soon as they meet someone, they are never in the mood for flirting.

It is important to remember that these signs do not assure that a person is demisexual. You can have all these traits and be heterosexual, homosexual or of any other sexuality. At the same time, you can be demisexual and not agree with many of the above. 

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Nidhia Sebastian is an English literature graduate who looks forward to a career that complements her passion. Her never-ending love for language has brought her to creative writing. Having an open heart to knowledge is what leaves her with a thirst to explore the world. She believes in living life to the fullest and hopes to convey the same enthusiasm through her words.

Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the article have been curated for our audience and does not warrant a 100% accuracy. All the information mentioned in the article is subject to change according to the changing viewpoints. Feel free to reach us at [email protected] for any change or copyright issues.

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Nidhia Sebastian
Nidhia Sebastian
Nidhia Sebastian is an English literature graduate who looks forward to a career that complements her passion. Her never-ending love for language has brought her to creative writing. Having an open heart to knowledge is what leaves her with a thirst to explore the world. She believes in living life to the fullest and hopes to convey the same enthusiasm through her words.

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